How Do I Find a Literary Agent

More to the point, how do I find a literary agent that's right for me?

OK, I know, it's daunting, and you feel like it's another hoop you have to get through to get your book published.  So let me cut to the chase and answer that question first.  Yes.  Yes, it is.  It's another hoop between you and getting published.  But seriously, let's look at the math of it.  Say you were hiring for a position in your office.  And you got 8,000,000 resumes.  I think you're following me already.  But I'll continue.  Hit fast-forward through the commercials if you need to.  So back in the day, editors would field these submissions directly, because not everyone on your block thought they could write a novel, but these days, they just don't have the time to do all that and work with the authors they do have under contract to get the books out that they've already bought.  Let's face it.  If you write directly to an editor at a publishing company, or even a worse idea, if you send in your full complete manuscript unsolicited, and everyone else were doing that, too, it would go into a pile of 8,000,000 boxes.  Your chances of getting published wouldn't be any better than the process that the system has put in place: getting a literary agent to represent you and make the submission to the right editors at the right houses.  [And you NEED a literary agent for oh so many reasons I will get to later.]

So you want to get published.  So what do you do?  You've heard the answer so many times, but you just don't want to listen.  Well, sorry, you should listen.  Do not send your complete book out unsolicited.  Rule #1: There Is No Back Door.  You must get an agent to represent you in submitting your book to publishing companies.  'But they won't even read my novel.'  You're a writer.  You can write a pitch letter.  If after reading your letter, they want to read a few chapters, they'll ask you to send it in later.

So what literary agent should I write to?  How do I find a literary agent?  Sing praise to the Internet, kids.  Imagine how much harder it was in the olden days of 1987.  As I mentioned in a previous post about editors, literary agents have tastes, too.  They each like what they like.  First rule of thumb: they like what's going to sell.  Literary agents are even more focused on the bottom line than an editor at a publishing company.  They want what they think they are going to be able to get a deal for.  But yes, they have personal preferences.  If you've written a romance novel, you don't want Joe Dude agent who typically sells espionage thrillers representing you.  So how do you find the RIGHT literary agent for you?  You can Google for 'literary agents who specialize in romance.'  Or a myriad of other keyword searches.  You can get onto Publishers Marketplace or find other directories of agents.  All so easily these days with an Internet connection and a good search.

The best way to find the perfect agent?  Go onto your own bookshelf or into a bookstore.  Identify the novelists that you are most similar to.  The ones you will be compared to.  The ones you aspire to be like.  Open their book and read the acknowledgments section.  Every author thanks their literary agent.  If they don't, they're not very nice.  It's like, 'I'd like to thank the academy....'  That's the person who got you the book deal.  Guess what, ... you thank them!  So write to those agents first!

A great way to find a literary agent, or at least to meet several of them all in one place at one time is to go to a writers' conference.  Typically over a long weekend, these conferences offer industry professionals (editors and agents) who attend as well as other writers just like you looking to get their big book noticed.  But the conference will offer panel discussions, cocktail parties, meet and greets, and really wonderful: one on one meet and greets with agents!

So you found that agent you want to write to.  You're not supposed to just send your entire manuscript, so what do you do?  Here it is: a one page letter.  Yes, it's absolutely okay (and preferable) if you can get an email address and send that one page letter as an email instead of a physical letter.  Before you've even written this letter about your book, even before the first sentence, the agent is already thinking, OK, is this something that's going to sell... so even more important than what's in your book, what it's about, or how good your writing is, is this: who are you.

So in that letter tell the agent:

who you are

what you've already done

what you do as a writer

do you have any audience already (are you a blogger, journalist,... etc)

what genre does your work fit into; what already-published successful works would you compare it to

what makes your book unique; what is your big spin

In this day and age, in that letter, you can include links to your blog, Facebook page, links to articles you've written, etc.  But do NOT submit your entire manuscript!  No, really, don't.  Really not even the first chapter or a sample chapter or an outline or the TOC.  If they WANT to read it, they'll ask you to see more.

Those are the rules.  Let's face it.  You don't want to stand out because you DON'T know what you're doing or you're not doing it right.  Because people will think you're going to act like that through the entire process.

OK, that's my post on how to find a literary agent.  There's so much more, so much more detail.  But for now, that's what you get.  I'll next give you a post on 'what does my literary agent do for me.'  Maybe I'll go back to some writing prompts and exercises first.

For now, don't worry about it until you've actually WRITTEN SOMETHING.  So get back to work!  Email me at SMHIOF@gmail.com or just post a comment here if you have any questions...

Is Your Book Worth More than a Slush Pile?

It is estimated that there are 8,000,000 people in the US who are actively writing a novel.  Certainly most of them will never finish, but that's what you're up against.  Sorry.  But let's be honest here.  So please listen to rule #1... don't sent it out unsolicited!  Especially not the entire thing!

I just want to start out by urging you against turning your hard work into what is referred to as 'slush.'  OK, first of all, if anyone is calling it the 'slush pile,' really, is that where you want your book to go?  Chances are it will either be put in a literal pile, and a group of editorial assistants once a month will begrudgingly agree, in exchange for free pizza, to go through all of them, or there is one person who gets all of them delivered to his or her desk, and he/she hates going through it even more than the assistants at the other company.  Do you think any of those 8,000,000 could possibly be not very good writers?  Or maybe they're a little crazy?  Guess what they do... yep... they send their book around willy-nilly unsolicited, so do you want your manuscript in that pile?  With them?  Because here is something no one will tell you... when those manuscripts are read, by the group of assistants or that one person who does it daily... they have a great time, laughing and laughing and laughing... at the really really bad writing.  I'll ask you again, do you want your manuscript that you've slaved away at for over 2,000 hours in that pile?

Everyone has specific tastes, right?  I don't read women's romantic fiction (OK, actually, sometimes I do, but I would never admit that... please don't tell anyone).  I don't read hard science fiction, but I love dark fantasy, post-apocalyptic stories, horror, fantasy.  I don't read touchy-feely, find your heart, hidden-Christian-message junk writing (you can insert author names here).  If you were a friend of mine, and you wrote a story about a husband who uses the spirit of Christmas to reconnect with his love for his wife and family, even if it were to end up two years later on the bestseller list, I would have hated it when you asked me to read it.  Editors have tastes, too.  And some of them actually have very specific areas they're even allowed to publish into.  Oh, heck, some publishing companies stipulate what they'll publish.  I've heard of some pretty funny stories of slush sent to the totally wrong person: a science fiction editor at a science fiction publishing company who receives a romance novel.  If that is the very best romance novel ever written, he's still not going to publish it.

So, do you know what editors like what at every different publishing company?  No, so what do you?  You get someone to represent you who knows the best chance of you getting published.  You get an agent.  My next post will be about how you find a literary agent.  Hey, I can't give away everything in one post.  And you need to go write!

Wrong Number

Did you ever get a wrong number, or these days, wrong text message?  I just got one the other day that was so funny.  Someone texted me asking if I wanted to go riding again.  I didn't know what kind of riding they meant, horse, bike, ... I texted back and said, I'm sorry I don't know what you mean, riding, and who is this?  And they replied back and said it's me, we met on our Harleys the other day, you were with a mutual friend Jeremy, and he introduced us.

I simply replied and said, sorry you've got the wrong number.  But I was left with so many questions. Was this a man or a woman?  Was this person contacting me directly, leapfrogging Jeremy, because they/he/she was interested in me?  OK, not ME, but the me I was supposed to be from the ride.  Did he/she get the phone number on the ride, because I didn't remember giving them my number (OK, just kidding).  Or did Jeremy give the number and get it wrong?

I want to fill in the story.  It's kinda intriguing.  But never gonna get the story, because it was a wrong number.

Write out a conversation, whether it's text-messages, Tweets, a phone conversation, or emails, that is a wrong number.  Does it go too far?  How awkward does it get?  Do they parties realize they do actually know each other?  Do they end up being confrontational or maybe they connect in some way?

Come on, you know it'll be fun....

BOO!!!!

In honor of my good friend Gary Jansen's new book, HOLY GHOSTS: How a (Not So) Good Catholic Boy Became a Believer in Things That Go Bump in the Night, about his experiences dealing with the weird and creepy things that were happening in his new house, let's talk paranormal.

Can anyone believe how this craze in paranormal has taken off?  Really, it started with Harry Potter.  Though we don't necessarily lump magic and sorcery in with the term paranormal as a genre, wands and spells are certainly para -- normal.  OK, OK, I've taken long enough to say the word: vampires.

There are many standards for paranormal.  Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, possessions, immortals/gods, fairies, zombies, demons, angels, gollums (OK, I use that word instead of simply saying Frankenstein's monster, but what I mean is created/sewn/built animated creatures).

I know I have a solid vampire novel inside of me.  I've been holding off working on it, because I don't want to be a tail-ender on the trend.  Besides, my vampires are old-school.  They don't boink you, they kill you.  Zombies will be making a big surge soon, especially if the movie of World War Z ever comes out.

But let's focus on the good old, tried-and-true, spooky haunted house ghost story.  I guess the first thing you have to decide if you're writing a ghost story is: will your haunting be explained, or will it be a hoax, a complete mystery even at the end of your story, let's face it: is it really a ghost?

OK, I know I"m rambling a bit now.  But we've all heard of the haunted house.  How come there's never been a good haunted condo story?  All right, I digress.

Come on, you know you've always wanted to... write the set up: location, background, characters, story of a good ghost story.  Lots of different questions to answer can help you start:

What's the place (or person?) that is haunted?

Does the living person know the ghost?

How did the ghost die?

Why is the ghost hanging around?

Does the living person believe in the ghost?

Who's the second living person, either an unbeliever or an antagonist of some type?

Is this evil or lost soul or possession or what?  I personally am tired of the ghost looking to get justice for their murderer, but go with what you want.  Also sick of the loved one who can't let go.

What's the ghost's motivation?

It's Labor Day weekend.  Just have fun.  And be glad I didn't go with a woman-in-Labor exercise (tee hee)....